Be forewarned -- there's no real point to this blog. if you're here looking for great wisdom, you're just going to find a middle aged guy spouting off like an ass. So you can turn back now, or for those of you who like that sort of thing, read on.
Last week was my 41st birthday. it was fairly non-eventful as birthdays go, I've kind of reached the point where I'm not reallly counting anymore. And that's a good thing, because 40 hit me like a ton of bricks. Come to think of it, 30 did too.
See, the thing is, I don't think of myself as 41. It even looks weird when I write it. I guess when I was in my 20s, I thought of guys in their 40s as people who had some things figured out, who were on a path and were much wiser and smarter. What I realized when I got here is that, in many ways, we're all still figuring things out. There are things we thought we knew that we've had to learn again. We still do dumb things, even though we know they're dumb. And we get some things right too, maybe on a higher percentage overall because of experience, and maybe still just by dumb luck.
But I've stopped thinking of my age as a number, which is what freaked me out about 30 and 40. I learned that number doesn't mean anything. And I'm not going for a "as young as you feel" thing. There are mornings when I feel every freakin' minute of those 41 years. No, it's more that I just feel that I'm me, who I am at the moment, and whether that makes me 25 or 30 or 40 doesn't make a difference.
Maybe the wisdom of years is finally teaching me to just do what I want to do. I'm less interested in what those outside my circle have to say.
About 14 years ago, in a moment of youthful stupidity and stubborness, I messed my back up pretty good. My wife and I lived in a third floor walk-up condo and our dryer went out. We got a good deal on a new one, but the catch was there was no delivery included. We got it home and no one was available to help move it upstairs. Being the impatient asshole I can be at times, I decided "fuck it, I'll carry it up myself." Yep, it was stupid, but I was young and invincible, you know. And I've been paying for it ever since.
It's much better now, but I still have problems with it from time to time. Last week, I hurt it in a freak accident while playing basketball. It's an over 30 league, so none of us are Michael Jordan (or LeBron James for the younger crowd). I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and BAM!! There goes my back.
So, I'm laid up and hobbling pretty good, but still doing what I need to do. And someone I know comes up to me and says "you know, it's probably time for you to give up some of the stuff you do."
This annoyed the hell out of me, for several reasons. Number one -- no one asked you. Number two, I wasn't out base-jumping or knife-throwing, I was playing basketball. And number three -- no one asked you!
This person wasn't the only one who said something similar. Another person I know around my birthday also made a good-natured comment about how you just have to give up certain things now that you're approaching (or have reached I guess) middle age.
Look, I've lived my life right down the center line almost always. I don't shirk my responsibilities, I do what needs to be done and take care of the people I need to take care of. My family and my friends know that they can count on me. When they need me, I'm there, no questions asked. And I also take decent care of myself, better than others, not as good as some. But I'm not about to start living life in a bubble just because I've reached a "certain age."
I'm 41. My life is still a wide expanse of possibilities and directions. That used to scare me. But now, I'm kinda finding I like it that way. And for those of you who find THAT scary, back off.
"Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone."
Dammit, I quoted Billy Joel again...
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